True Facts

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
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In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination.He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)
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Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick??)
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The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than "going blind!")
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There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time...Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
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In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.
The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
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Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)
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In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
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In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
( I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
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In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
(Is the USA a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!)
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Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for this stuff?)
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Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)
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The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hummm....I won't touch THAT one!)
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The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of....? -- did the govt. pay for this research??)
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Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez)
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An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
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Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that too)
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And, the best for last.....
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(Do you think they have bad breath?)
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An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Fred I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up the garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the BODIES. Love Fred

At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologised to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love Fred.

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WHO IS JACK SCHITT WHO CARES???? but read on if you give SCHITT

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!" Well thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children. Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. Now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them.

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