var msg = new Array();
Stamp = new Date();
today = Stamp.getDate();
msg[1] = "I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.";
msg[2] = "99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name ";
msg[3] = "82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot";
msg[4] = "Half the people you know are below average. ";
msg[5] = "Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.";
msg[6] = "The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.";
msg[7] = "The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.";
msg[8] = "Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.";
msg[9] = "The first myth of management is that it exists.";
msg[10] = "What the caterpillar calls the end, the rest of the world calls a butterfly.";
msg[11] = "When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.";
msg[12] = "If I'm not back in five minutes... wait longer!";
msg[13] = "There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?";
msg[14] = "I'm so rich, I wish I had a dime for every dime I have.";
msg[15] = "The time-traveling is just too dangerous. Better that I devote myself to study the other great mystery of the universe – women!";
msg[16] = "You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.";
msg[17] = "Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable.";
msg[18] = "What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.";
msg[19] = "I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?";
msg[20] = "You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.";
msg[21] = "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.";
msg[22] = "If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?";
msg[23] = "At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual.";  
msg[24] = "How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? ";
msg[25] = "Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. ";
msg[26] = "You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.";
msg[27] = "The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.";
msg[28] = "I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.";
msg[29] = "The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.";
msg[30] = "I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.";
msg[31] = "If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?";

function writeTip9() { 
document.write(msg[today]);
}