var msg = new Array();
Stamp = new Date();
today = Stamp.getDate();
msg[1] = "War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left.";
msg[2] = "Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.";
msg[3] = "Patience will come to those who wait for it.";
msg[4] = "Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver.";
msg[5] = "I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.";
msg[6] = "Always forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.";
msg[7] = "The only place where success comes before work is in a dictionary.";
msg[8] = "I'm not against half-naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be...";
msg[9] = "The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.";
msg[10] = "Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you got.";
msg[11] = "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.";
msg[12] = "Answering Machine: Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.";
msg[13] = "Answering Machine: Bob here. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say? ";
msg[14] = "Answering Machine: Hello, I'm not here right now. In fact, I'm out getting a new parakeet. If you leave a message after the beep, I'll be sure to get back to you. Oh, and by the way, a word of advice; never try to clean a parakeet cage with a vacuum cleaner. ";
msg[15] = "Answering Machine: Hello, this is Ron. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. [Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.] OK, what would you like me to tell me?";
msg[16] = "Answering Machine: Hello, this is the Brown residence. We're in the middle of a family fight right now. Leave your name and number at the beep and whoever wins will call you right back. ";
msg[17] = "Answering Machine: Hello. I'm not at home right now because I'm making changes in my life so leave a message and if I don't call you back, you're probably one of those changes. (BEEP)";
msg[18] = "Answering Machine: Hi, I am not here right now, but if you are a friend, leave a message, if you are a creditor you can kiss my (beep)";
msg[19] = "Answering Machine: Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you. ";
msg[20] = "Answering Machine: Lucifer speaking. Who in hell do you want? ";
msg[21] = "Answering Machine: The machine answering this message is connected to a 5000 volt power supply, and a relay which is wired to this small kitten. (Sound of a kitten meowing.) If you hang up before you leave a message, it will complete the circuit and fry the kitty. The choice is YOURS! ";
msg[22] = "Answering Machine at White House: The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.";
msg[23] = "If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?";  
msg[24] = "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.  Nietzsche";
msg[25] = "Wherever you go, go with all your heart.  Confucius";
msg[26] = "Life begets life.  Energy creates energy.  It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich.";
msg[27] = "We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.";
msg[28] = "Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.  Goethe";
msg[29] = "Avoiding a question is certainly an easy way out, but it never leads to answers.";
msg[30] = "The heart of the human problem is the problem of the human heart.";
msg[31] = "Give your old age a good swift kick in the pants.";

function writeTip9() { 
document.write(msg[today]);
}